Thanksgiving Dinner: Buffalo Bills Buffet

Thanksgiving is a time to think about all of the things you are thankful for. A time to be surrounded by family and delicious food. But even more so, it’s a time to wonder, if the Buffalo Bills players and coaches were parts of the traditional Thanksgiving feast, who would be what?

Rex Ryan- Turkey

You can talk about everything else on your plate as much as you want, but when it comes down to it, this is the turkey’s day. And that is Rex Ryan. He’ll talk up the cornbread and remind you not to forget about the cranberry sauce, but we all (and he) knows that he is the center of attention. This is the Rex Ryan show. Everyone else is just happy to be on the plate.

Marcel Dareus- Stuffing

I feel like this one doesn’t need an explanation?

Karlos Williams- Mashed potatoes

There isn’t anything flashy about Karlos Williams. But he gets the job done, just like mashed potatoes. Sometimes when you think about it, the mashed potatoes don’t seem that imperative. But after you have them, you can’t imagine what you would have done without.

Sammy Watkins- Gravy

Gravy is a great add to the turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. It adds a certain flair that the dish wouldn’t have on its own. It’s difference is instantly noticed. Gravy’s influence can also spread so far that it begins to affect other dishes too. That is Sammy Watkins. His impact on the Bills offense is obvious. He helps those around him by taking on double teams. And, somehow, like gravy, some people don’t think they need him for a good Thanksgiving dinner.

Dan Carpenter- Corn

When you’re eating that delicious, buttery corn you can’t imagine it ever doing anything wrong. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Just like Dan Carpenter last year. Then you lay on the couch, watch some football for a few hours, head to the bathroom and realize that it isn’t always perfect with the corn—like this year with Dan Carpenter.

Baccari Rambo- Green bean casserole

It’s pretty easy to walk right past the green bean casserole on the buffet table. But, when you do eventually realize it’s there and throw some on your plate, you are pleasantly surprised, like Rambo showing up for interceptions against Aaron Rodgers last year.

Mario Williams- Cranberry sauce

Is it a dessert? Is it part of the meal? I’m not really sure what cranberry sauce is. I also don’t really know what I’m going to get out of Mario Williams every week or play. Full effort? Half effort? Five sacks? Zero tackles? I like it, but I just don’t know.

LeSean McCoy- Pumpkin pie

Just when you think you’ve had enough, here comes dessert. The Bills have so many weapons, that it’s sometimes hard to remember all of them. Oh but trust you saved room. You’ll always have room.

EJ Manuel- Antacid

It’s after dinner. After dessert, even. You’re fuller than you’ve ever been. You’re running out of belt holes. So you pop in an antacid. But it’s too late. You know that. The antacid knows that. There is nothing that can be done at this point. That is EJ Manuel. And that is the truest comparison on this list.