The Buffalo Bills Won The Breakup

Though it is still very early in the NFL offseason, the Buffalo Bills have already been plenty busy. Specifically, they were thrown onto the coaching carousel, when they didn’t even really want to ride. Magically, it seems the Bills have tamed the merry-go-round and come out better because of it. Here is a diluted step-by-step list in case you’re still trying to figure out how we finagled this as much as I am:

  • Doug Marrone quits on the Bills, takes his $4 million and runs for the hills.
  • Marrone appears to be instant favorite for the Jets’ job.
  • The Bills interview anyone that has ever played a quarter of Madden.
  • The Bills hire Rex Ryan. 
  • Ryan drinks a beer with Jim Kelly (not super important, but probably the coolest detail of the story yet).
  • Ryan wins over the fan base in one press conference with his nearly blinding smile and charming personality, and makes anyone that was worried about offensive/defensive mindsets forget all their troubles.
  • The Jets hire Todd Bowles (but just recognize that it’s a guy not named Marrone).
  • Marrone continues to interview for other head coaching jobs.
  • Marrone lowers himself to interview for the Jaguars’ offensive coordinator job.
  • Marrone is, to this point, still unemployed. 

Let’s face it: the Bills got dumped. And sure, it stung for a little. But look at us now. We have a new coach who looks to be a solid fit for the organization. Even better, the girl that dumped us hasn’t been able to find a new guy yet. We won the breakup! Now, I don’t know much about being an agent for a football coach, but I have to assume Marrone’s isn’t doing a great job, at least in this situation (as he shares the same agent as plenty of other employed coaches). The fall from grace has been an ugly one for Marrone, while the Bills rebrand has never looked better.

Sure, the Bills won nine games this year, but of all of the victories, this offseason's coaching win has to be the sweetest. Hopefully it is the first of many in a new Buffalo Bills’ chapter.